Here’s a question for you!
What makes a person ‘Toxic’ to be around? Are some people more toxic than others?
Do you sometimes feel that most of your family must secretly come from the planet mars? No matter how much you reach out to some people, they just don’t seem to ‘get’ you! It’s like you are not even talking the same language.
So you feel great – you have friends who love you – life is going well but then you run into your kryptonite. Maybe it’s your father, mother, brothers or sisters? Your personal nemesis could be an old lover or friend. It doesn’t matter what ‘box’ they live in, the fact is that when that box gets opened your world collapses.
Sometimes it can take weeks to get your mojo back, often we spiral into self-doubt and depression. You find yourself replaying conversations on an endless loop in your head trying to work out what you did wrong.
The problem is the modern world is based on the cult of self.
Unfortunately, for the world to revolve around our idea of ‘self’ everyone has to live on their own planet.
We only have to look at the most successful people on this Earth, the rich and the famous, to see that no matter how much ‘self’ you have it is never enough — it will never make you happy.
Is it any wonder then that so many of our relationships are so toxic to our well-being? Even the best of us don’t know how to find long term happiness!
In order to move forward with your life you need to ditch the idea that you ARE your thoughts and feelings. There is so much more to you than that!
To find an immediate solution to your relationship problems try these four steps:
Step 1 – take some time to think about what would bring you long term fulfilment in your life. Where do you realistically want to be in five years time? What would you want to leave the world that people would remember you for. Rather than short term pleasure, what would give you peace and contentment? Write down your ideas and keep them safe.
Step 2 — Like a bell, we live an almost totally ‘reactive’ life — you know what I mean, something happens that annoys us and we ‘feel’ angry but then something happens that, at the time, we perceive as good and we feel happy. It’s almost like we have no free will. Our emotional life is almost totally a product of the accidents in our lives. You need to break this cycle. The next time you feel overwhelmed by strong emotion, take a deep breath and let it wash over you. I used to wear a rubber band around my wrist and ping myself when I noticed that I was getting swept away by an automatic response. You need to make a space between the stimulus and your reaction. This space will give you enough room to find your real ‘self’! The one that exists beneath your idea of yourself.
Step 3 — Make the time to really talk to the person who is troubling you but try not to think — train yourself to just listen. Be totally honest about your feelings. Try to build a direct connection and realise that they are also a product of their automatic responses. They probably don’t even realise how they are hurting you.
Step 4 — After you’ve spoken to the ‘toxic’ person, take out your notes from step 1 and try to imagine how that person is going to fit into your long term plan for finding peace and contentment.
Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and reach out to people. Sometimes we have to find the courage to walk away. Nobody, but you, can make that decision for you, but take strength from knowing that you are not alone.
You are a vital part of the universe and everything that you do has an effect on the rest of us. It is up to you if that is going to be an effect for ‘good’ or ‘evil’.